How to Talk With Family About Choosing Direct Cremation

These days, we’re being encouraged to talk more about death and the sorts of funerals we want for ourselves. That’s really how it should be, but occasionally you can come across a lack of understanding – or even outright opposition – if your choice is for something different to the traditional funeral or cremation.

Direct cremation – an unattended cremation without a funeral service – is a choice that has grown rapidly over the last few years, with the latest figures suggesting that it now accounts for more than 20% of all funerals. However, there are still people who worry that it may not provide the closure you can get when you go to a more traditional funeral.

In this article, we’re going to explore ways of explaining your choice for direct cremation to family members who may see it as a cheap or even undignified option.

Why direct cremation is a meaningful choice for you

Before you try to start the conversation, it’s worth taking the time to order your thoughts regarding why it matters to you. Otherwise, you might find yourself being talked into something you really don’t want.

There are three main reasons most people choose a direct cremation.

• It’s inexpensive

The cost of a modern funeral is a deciding factor for many, whether money is short or you see anything more than a direct cremation as being unnecessarily extravagant. Many people choose a direct cremation because they’d rather the money be spent on a more meaningful or personal event at a later date, when people are more interested in celebrating a life than coping with the immediate grief of a recent death.

• It’s easy

Some people just don’t want there to be a fuss over their passing. There’s also the fact that a pre-arranged direct cremation spares family from both the stress of organising a funeral and the potential for arguments over who should be invited and which coffin/flowers/music should be chosen.

• It’s suitable for everyone

For those without a religious faith, a direct cremation means there’s no chance of your own funeral being turned into something that has no relevance to your life.

How to start the conversation with family or loved ones

Many people see a funeral as a key part of the grieving process and may feel cheated if there isn’t one. This is why it’s best to broach the subject at the earliest possible opportunity, so that they have time to accustom themselves to the idea.

You could explain how it’s as much for all your friends and family as it is for you. Remind them that it isn’t precluding a meaningful celebration of your life, it’s just a different way of doing it – as would be the case with the funeral of someone with a different faith.

Of course, opening the conversation in the first place can be the tricky part. There are plenty of adverts on television these days promoting direct cremations and funeral plans. You could use this as an opportunity to test the water by saying you can understand why people would choose a direct cremation and seeing how the other person reacts.

If they seem open to the idea, you have something to work with. If not, don’t push it by immediately launching into a long list of reasons. Try to understand their way of thinking and take your own time to consider how you can meet their concerns.

However, you might be surprised by just how many people will be positive about your plans. And remember that the more people you tell, the more people you’ll have on side. And when the time comes, those who don’t like the idea will find it harder to oppose or speak up against something everyone knows you wanted.

Here at Tithe Green Natural Burial, we offer a direct cremation with natural interment of ashes option, where the cremation is organised by our partners at Simplicta Cremations and ashes are interred at one of our natural burial sites in the East Midlands.

You don’t have to live in our area to use this service, because it’s open to anyone in the UK.

Get in touch with us today to find out more!