Tithe Green Book Club September: Help & Hope In One Little Book

It's no secret that as a collective we struggle with talking about grief - our own and other people's. When we're trying to support someone who is grieving, we might say things that we believe or hope are helpful, only to realise that in actuality they put even more emotional pressure on the griever. Things like "how are you?" or "let me know if you need anything" - questions that can be impossible to answer when you don't even know what day it is. Similarly, we might feel completely lost in our own grief, unable or unwilling to even begin trying to explain how we feel and what we might need.

There's no 'right' way to support someone who is grieving, and certainly no 'right' way to grieve. But if we can all agree on some general, basic language around grief, it might better equip us however we meet it in our lives.

This is what The Good Grief Trust's Help & Hope In One Little Book aims to do. It reminds us of a few vital truths:

When we are grieving:

That we can be both sad for ourselves and sad for the person who died.

That there is no timeline on when we should "get over it" or "stop talking about it".

That we will never "move on" or "find closure" and nor should this be the aim. That instead we learn to live with grief.

That it is normal to experience physical and not just emotional effects of grief, such as brain fog, digestive issues, and flu-like symptoms.

That grief is complicated, deeply personal, and unpredictable. That we should not try to control it or minimise it.

That it is normal if our grief feels like it gets harder the longer it has been since we last saw our loved one.

When we are supporting someone who is grieving:

That making specific suggestions such as "I'll bring you some shopping essentials" or "I can pop round and help with laundry or dishes" or "I can take the children out for the afternoon" are more helpful than general offers to help such as "let me know if you need anything."

That we should not stop extending no-pressure social invitations to the grieving person, even if they rarely say yes. Being thought of and being included still means a lot, even when they don't feel up to it.

That we should not try and fix anyone's grief, which is impossible, rather that we can simply sit with them through it.

That remembering anniversaries, birthdays or other important dates takes little effort and goes a long way.

That people may push us away or feel difficult to be around, but that we should continue trying to show up for them in whatever way we can.

All in one little book

Covering all these topics in one little book could be a lot, but The Good Grief Trust, understanding bereaved people as deeply as they do, have found a way to collate this information and advice into a small, bite size book that includes helpful reminders and suggestions without being overwhelming. Partnering with illustrator Ann O'Malley, the book includes short, easy-to-read snippets and relatable illustrations.

Actor, producer, author and passionate Good Grief Trust ambassador Greg Wise described it best: "I so wish I had been given a copy of 'Help and Hope In One Little Book' when I felt alone and crazy. Grief is the one thing that unites everyone on this planet and it can feel like an absolute chaotic mess. Keep this book close, keep reading it, and then pass it on to someone who you think might really need it. Practice speaking grief and condolence - it's a language we are not taught, but this little book will be your guide."

You can find a copy of the book at the link below, where there is an option to donate to The Good Grief Trust.

Help & Hope In One Little Book.

Our co-founders James & Helena were enormously honoured to attend The Good Grief Trust's 10th anniversary celebration in Westminster Abbey and we continue to support the work of the trust with plaques signposting people to vital resources on our benches as well as resource cards in our post-interment paperwork for families.